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I was sitting at the computer and looking out a what is actually a crappy day. It is freezing fog, and that is in sharp contrast to the forecast of a bit cloudy and 54°F. Then I got thinking about our recent by-election, and how I lost my vote when the PC’s edged the WR candidate Sheila Taylor out by a mere 350 votes. It was trading off all night long, with the PC guy picking up all the chips at the end. To be sure the PC voters elected people in all 4 ridings available in the by-election. Licia Corbella, an opinion writer for the Calgary Herald and one of my favourites, put into words some of what I had been thinking about the election. Only thing is that she does it much better than I do. Take a look: Corbella

A letter from Andi. I have had this letter for some time now, the end of July in fact. I had read it and tucked it aside, and I re-read it again today, and I realize now why I kept it. In light of some of the madness around us, here in Canada, and in the Arab world, and an email from an email bud, I came to the conclusion that it needs to be heard and circulated if it is only to a few on my blog. It’s a bit long, but well worth the time it takes to read and understand.

“Andi’s words are poignant, factual and eye-opening.  She is the mother of a son and son-in-law in the IDF.  Let there be no doubt that we are all in this together, Jews and Christians alike!

Israel tried to offer Gaza its freedom..  We share compassion with all victims while Hamas terrorizes its own citizens which it duped to gain power and now has NO problem in lying to and sacrificing.  Peace will never come to Gaza while Hamas spews its hatred, its rockets and its mandate to wipe the Jews and Israel off the map…..Destroying Israel is Hamas’s reason for existence…its own citizens be damned! 

Please read this–if nothing else you might gain some insight into the conflict and some understanding of the situation. 
“Subject: How I feel today Date: July 20, 2014 I feel like I weigh 500 pounds.

Everyone I know feels like they are walking through water.

And sad.  We are all so very, very sad.

This is what I know right now, today:

The ugliness, the venom and sheer, violent hatred you are seeing in Paris, London, Berlin, LA, Boston, Denver….  this is just the beginning.

We Jews are the canaries in the coal mine for all of humanity.  Today, they are throwing bricks at synagogues and smashing chairs and saying “Kill the Jews.” Tomorrow it will be someone else.

Do the French really think these people will protect and safeguard the treasures of the Louvre?

Do Londoners really think these people will cherish the symbols of the British Empire?

Does anyone really think this is only about Israel and the disputed territories?

Today it is Israel, tomorrow it will be you.

Maybe that is why everyone gets so disproportionately annoyed about this conflict.  Because everyone knows after us it gets real personal… Seeing these violent protests, hearing the sickening screams for death we Israelis understand better than ever we must fight for every square inch and with all we have.

It matters not how much better our military is, how much more precise our targets can be.

It only matters that when the smoke clears Hamas is disarmed, destroyed, disabled and defeated.  Forever.

Hamas.  NOT the people of Gaza.  I feel so very sorry for them.  Sorry they were misguided and elected these lunatics.  Sorry that in their desperation they allowed Hamas to fill the empty bedrooms next to their children’s room with rockets.  Sorry that their leaders have mansions and swimming pools and are sitting in air conditioning in another city while they are sweating and wondering where the roof over their houses went.  (If not their house itself.)  Sorry that they have been brought up with no inkling of who Israelis are nor what compromise is.

Defeating Hamas will be a big problem for the power brokers because shame and honor are all that matter in this part of the world.

Honor in the Middle East does not come from whether your children are literate, how successful you are, how much money you make, how civilized your community is, nor how many paved roads you have, and whether or not you have garbage collection and recycling.

Here in this part of the world- for Hamas, honor comes from getting revenge.

For them revenge is everything.

For them revenge is the only thing.

Remember we left Gaza.  There was no blockade.  They were free to build a model democracy- the first successful shining, taste of the new, proud Palestine.  But they didn’t want that kind of success… Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

We will not be fooled again.

We have nowhere else to go.  And the rockets won’t stop.

The folks in Ashkelon cannot shower, have a bowel movement, get more milk or walk a dog without wondering if they are taking their lives in their own hands.

There is another Gaza underneath Gaza.

Hamas could have built hundred of schools, paved thousands of roads, build hundreds of kindergartens with the cement and iron they have used to build these underground bunkers and tunnels.

(and you wondered why Israel put a blockade on bringing building supplies into the Gaza strip?)

These tunnels to hell are filled with ammunition.

And no women or children, not a single elderly person is brought to safety there.

They want them on the street- on the roof, standing right behind- nice and close to the terrorist firing the rocket.

Hamas has refused to let journalists out of Gaza.


They need them to take pictures and record the carefully staged piles of bloody children and women.  If the journalists leave they have lost the vehicle for distributing their bloody ad campaign.

Hamas asked for a cease-fire.

And they broke it.

They break every single one.

Israel is setting up a massive field hospital to treat our enemies.  From 8 pm on tonight there will be a working maternity ward, an operating theater…a working hospital.  For… our enemies.

We are going to lose more boys.  Last night we lost 13.  With each day we are going to lose more.

But everyone here now understands this is a fight to the death.  It is them or us.

They cannot compromise and they don’t want peace or to share or to negotiate.  They want revenge even if it means killing their own people.

So we have to go in there and do things none of us want to do, but we have to.

So this is why we are all so sad.

Israelis want peace so badly.

But we also desperately want to live.  We love life and we are not about to let anyone, let alone a bunch of deranged thugs take it away from us.

So yes, this is a fight to the death for both sides.

Remember, if they win, you are next.

If we win those symbols of civilization that everyone takes so for granted will remain standing and everyone will criticize and complain about disproportionate responses and war crimes and all kinds of other irrelevant nonsense, but secretly I think everyone will be heaving a sigh of relief.

Who Does The Land of Israel Belong To?

An ingenious  example of speech and politics occurred recently at the United Nations Assembly, and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began:

"Before beginning  my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and  it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath!’  Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.  When  he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.  A Palestinian had  stolen them!"

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you  talking about?  The Palestinians weren’t there then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that you have made that clear, I will begin my speech."

Good news for you and everyone! Good information to try.

Heart Attack and Water.
How many folks do you know who say they don’t want to drink anything before going to bed because they’ll have to get up during the night!!

Heart Attack and Water – I never knew all of this !

Something else I didn’t know …  I asked my Doctor why do people need to urinate so much at night time.  Answer from my Cardiac Doctor – Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright (legs swell).  When you lie down and the lower body (legs and etc) seeks level with the kidneys, it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier.  This then ties in with the last statement!  I knew you need your minimum water to help flush the toxins out of your body, but this was news to me.
Correct time to drink water…Very Important.  From A Cardiac Specialist!

Drinking water at a certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:
2 glasses of water after waking up – helps activate internal organs
1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal – helps digestion
1glass of water before taking a bath – helps lower blood pressure
1glass of water before going to bed – avoids stroke or heart attack I can also add to this…  My Physician told me that water at bed time will also help prevent night time leg cramps.  Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a Charlie Horse.


This is a dandy, it was taken on a security camera at a MacDonald’s drive through window and is of a woman who really loses it when she cannot buy her chicken Mc Nuggets! Take a look: drive thru
After all the crap thee is in the world today, you might just like this site, as it pertains to a stage show involving of all things, Bubbles. Check it out: Bubbles

If you have a Smart Phone, and a flashlight app, check out this site,  You may decide to dump the app. flashlight app



My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way.  Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.

I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam.

Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt.

On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and twisted my ankle.

When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"


Mail Attachment1

Have a Great Day and be nice to one another

Ross Smile

I was rummaging through my Blog Folder in my email application when I came to the conclusion, it was full of stuff that fit in no logical way, and the it was time to just let it go. Saying that however doesn’t mean that it was al junk, quite  the contrary, so today I am going to simply put much of the text stuff together, and do the same with the web pages I have collected. Thanks for bearing with me.

This is true love and dedication.
Very Special Italian Churchgoer

ROME – Since his owner died two months ago, Tommy the dog has not missed a single mass in the small church in southern Italy where his mistress’s funeral was held, Italian media said Wednesday.

dog 1
When the bells of the Santa Maria Assunta Church begin to toll each afternoon in San Donaci near Brindisi, the 12-year-old German Shepherd sets off from the village to get himself a front row seat next to the altar, Il Messaggero newspaper said.

dg 2

His owner, who was known in local dialect as "Maria tu lu campu" — "Maria of the fields" — had lived alone with Tommy and three other rescue dogs, who used to follow her faithfully on her daily rounds and have now been adopted by the village.


After following his mistress’s coffin up to the church on the day of her funeral, Tommy has returned daily, sitting quietly throughout masses, baptisms and funerals, according to local priest Donato Panna, who now wouldn’t do without him.


A vey heart warming storey.

I got this one a while ago, from an American friend, and have had it around for a while now. After the shooting in Ottawa of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, it seemed somehow appropriate to put it on my blog.

Written by an Australian Dentist

To Kill an American You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is .  So they would know when they found one.  (Good one, mate!!!!)

‘An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish , Polish, Russian or Greek.  An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian , or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.  In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan .  The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion..  For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous..  Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.

When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan …
The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed.  These in fact are the people who built America Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11 , 2001 earning a better life for their families.  It’s been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must.  Hitler did.  So did General Tojo , and Stalin , and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world..  But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself .  Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place.  They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom.  Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.
This one came from a guy I have known since I was a teen. He lives now in the US.

Go Dutch….

The Netherlands, where six per cent of the population is now Muslim, is scrapping multiculturalism. The Dutch government says it will abandon the long-standing model of multiculturalism that has encouraged Muslim immigrants to create a parallel society within the Netherlands .

A new integration bill, which Dutch Interior Minister Piet Hein Donner presented to parliament on June 16, reads:

"The government shares the social dissatisfaction over the multicultural society model and plans to shift priority to the values of the Dutch people".

In the new integration system, the values of the Dutch society play a central role.

With this change, the government steps away from the model of a multicultural society.

The letter continues: "A more obligatory integration is justified because the government also demands that from its own citizens."

It is necessary because otherwise the society gradually grows apart and eventually no one feels at home anymore in the Netherlands.
The new integration policy will place more demands on immigrants.

For example, immigrants will be required to learn the Dutch language, and the government will take a tougher approach to immigrants who ignore Dutch values or disobey Dutch law.

The government will also stop offering special subsidies for Muslim immigrants because, according to Donner; "It is not the government’s job to integrate immigrants." (How bloody true).

The government will introduce new legislation that outlaws forced marriages and will also impose tougher measures against Muslim immigrants who lower their chances of employment by the way they dress.

More specifically, the government imposed a ban on face-covering, Islamic burkas as of January 1, 2014.

Holland has done that whole liberal thing, and realized – maybe too late – that creating a nation of tribes, will kill the nation itself.

The future of Australia, the UK, USA and Canada may well be read here.

READERS NOTE: Muslim immigrants leave their countries of birth because of civil and political unrest .  .  ."CREATED BY THE VERY NATURE OF THEIR CULTURE."

Countries like Holland, Canada, USA the UK and Australia have an established way of life that actually works, so why embrace the unworkable?

If Muslims do not wish to accept another culture, the answer is simple; "STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!"

This gives a whole new meaning to the term, ‘Dutch Courage’ …Unfortunately Australian, UK, USA and Canadian politicians don’t have the …  guts to do the same.  There’s a whole lot of truth here!!!!

ELECTIONS are COMING A Nation of Sheep, Breeds a Government of Wolves!

Let’s Take a Stand!!!
Borders: Closed!
Language: English!
Culture: The Constitution, is the Bill of Rights!

NO freebies to: Non-Citizens!?  We the people are coming!!!

Hometown battlefield, a song written to try to recognise the stress our homecoming veterans are going through. Take a listen: cormier

How many of you have gone on the web to look at hotel rooms? I know we have, and to be truthful, it has usually turned out OK. Sometimes it doesn’t, take a look! hotel rooms

Recall Andrew Lloyd Webber, and the Phantom of the Opera? If you do and liked it, check out this version: Phantom


OK try this one if you enjoyed the old Carol Burnett show. It is about the dentist, and it’s a real hoot! Carol Burnett



Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.  Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.  I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.  But it’s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.

We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.  She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad.  I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John PS.  Dad, none of the above is true.  I’m over at Tommy’s house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that’s in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it’s safe to come home.

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

Everything is changed in Canada as of yesterday when a gunman managed to get into Parliament buildings in Ottawa, after killing the guard who was manning the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. This kind of thing could never happen in Canada, right?

In the aftermath of this shooting, I was most interested in the reaction of the leaders of the 2 leading opposition parties. Silence, yes silence. It was only days ago, when Trudeau, and Mulcair advocated sending humanitarian aid and discussion to ISIS. The fact that ISIS had already beheaded 2 humanitarian aid workers did not make them stop and think. And these 2 clowns lead the opposition parties, and crave the opportunity to be Prime Minister of Canada. Both these dudes are punching way below their weight!

The bleeding heart Liberals were of note in our newspaper, starting for instance with one writer claiming that this was a good reason to reinstate gun registration. Well, good luck with that thought, considering that I don’t believe one gun belonging to somebody who was bent on using it for any felonious deed would ever take it to the RCMP, and get the gun registered! Not one person. Where do these people come up with this stuff.

This letter writer was pretty near as bad. She said that our police should be trained to shoot for the leg to disarm and wound the perp, and not kill him. That kind of shooting happened in the old Roy Rogers, Clint Eastwood westerns and Dirty Harry movies. In the heat of the moment while the perp is unloading his weapon in your direction, it is most important that the perp be dropped where he stands. And as quick as is possible. To do this one aims for the largest target on him, the torso, the head shot comes later. Can you imagine, in the adrenaline fuelled moment taking the time to aim for a leg or an arm, often with a pistol that is not too accurate at fifty feet, all the while when your opponent is trying to empty his ammo mag into you. My oh my, do these people never read, or think.

The shooter in this case was shot dead by Kevin Vickers, Sergeant at Arms. May God bless him for doing so, and therefore saving others as well. Kevin had been a police officer in Calgary at one time.

I applaud Stephen Harper for his role in world affairs, sending planes and troops to the Kurds in an effort to stop and curtail the efforts of ISIS. I also applaud Harpers stance in the world in defending Israel’s right to defend itself against the rocket attacks from Palestine.

Canada as we knew it just a few days ago, will likely never be the same again. I do think this will be the wake up call that the Oceans can no longer keep us safe from these delusional idiots. They are here in Canada, some were even born here.

It would be nice if our government were to invoke the old War Measures Act, that I understand has been diluted from the time when Pierre Trudeau, the father of Justin Trudeau, our illustrious leader of the Liberal party, brought it into use during the Quebec Crisis many years ago.


Howard Galganov has been writing for a number of years and a friend of mine sends along his writing periodically. Yesterday Howard wrote an excellent piece on being Canadian. Check some of the comments he got particularly from American readers. Howard

Licia Corbella, one of my favourite opinion writers at the Calgary Herald wrote a great column in our Herald today regarding what happened in Ottawa yesterday. Read it here: Licia





Dear Family I’m not dead yet.  Thanksgiving is still important to me.  If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favourite holiday.

Dinner is at 2:00.  Not 2:15.  Not 2:05.  Two.  Arrive late and you get what’s left over. 

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house.

This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot.  You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. 
Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different.  This year because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things. 
Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:
1.  The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M.  The television stays off during the meal.

2.  The "no cans for kids" rule still exists.  We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two.  Parents can fill a child’s cup when it is empty.  All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.

3.  Chloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up.  This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage.  Save yourself some time, honey.  You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you.  Buy something from the bakery.

4.  Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy.  That is a fact of life.  Your children can eat healthy at your home.  At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it

5.  I cook with bacon and bacon grease.  That’s nothing new.  Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs.  Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it.  That’s why it tastes so good.  Not eating bacon is just not natural.  And as far as being healthy…  look at me.  I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.

6.  Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

7.  I do not like cell phones.  Leave them in the car.

8.  I do not like video cameras.  There will be 32 people here.  I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

9.  Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the Kids.  I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over.  Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.

10.  Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives.  I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too.  I can live with that.  Can you?

11.  Words mean things.  I say what I mean.  Let me repeat: You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything.  And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said.  Really, this doesn’t have to be difficult.

12.  Dominoes and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch.  That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids.

13.  Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.  Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer.  Drink until it is gone.  I prefer wine anyway.  But one from each family needs to be the designated driver. 

I really mean all of the above.

Love You, Grandma
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her Eyes,?

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice "Hi Sweetheart, its Eric I’m,on the Train."

"Yes, I know it’s Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting".

"No, honey, Not with the blonde from the Accounts Office, It was with the Boss".

"No Sweetheart, You’re the only one in My life".

"Yes, I’m sure, Cross my heart".

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.  When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in Public Any Longer

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

The daylight is getting shorter, by about 5 minutes a day, and the time is growing shorter until our 4 by-elections.

My first point on this is that we should all get out and vote. Advance voting is available if so desired. There is what has to be considerable talent running in the 4 by-elections, but I am mostly interested in who we elect in Calgary-West for our Provincial MLA.

Jim Prentice when he got elected as leader, hit all the hot buttons, and said all the right things, that will likely get him, and his candidates elected. I will be voting to be sure, but it will not be for the PC Candidate. Why? Easy, I have lived in Alberta since 1960 and I have heard all these promises and those like them from previous elections for our provincial government, and the truth in my opinion it is merely political bafflegab, smoke and mirrors if you will to get elected and once elected, who needs to keep promises.

OK, so who will get my vote in our riding? I am voting for Sheila Taylor. She was the first person in years on the Calgary School Board who made sense, and who tried to change things on the board to make it successful. It had been a disaster for many years prior to her time on the board.

Of course, Sheila is a member of the Wild Rose party, and while she alone cannot make a lot of difference, she will be one less MLA from the PC’S. It will also send a message to the PC’s who are still in the government that they are vulnerable to being ousted, and the some of the old PC voters like me, are fed to the teeth with the antics of our elected representatives.

So, go out and vote on Monday October 27, for whoever you like, but please think of all the years you have been “lied” to by our current government. Think of  the squandered waste, the egregious salaries, and pensions paid to a lot of MLA’s. Think of the waste created by the AHS, working along side of the government to go from one kind of super board, to smaller boards, ad infinitum, all the while you cannot get in for knee surgery, a cataract operation, or any similar surgery. Care beds for aging patients, homeless programs that are needed, but I guess these people do not vote, so they do not count. The richest province in the country and we can’t fix anything, but we can give ourselves a nice raise, a nice pension, a good salary, a great expense account, and I bet they don’t have to wait for a hip or knee surgery.!

Sheila may not get these all fixed, but we can send a message. I doubt it will happen, but maybe we can hope for at least one seat out of 4 to change from PC to something else.

Just get out and vote on October 27, thank you.


I saw a piece the other day, that amused me, it was commenting on our state of affairs as they saw it. The writer said to send in the circus, we already have the clowns. Funny twist on words. This web page is for some of us who have reached a certain age, and who will remember some of the comedians of the 50’s and 60’s. Frank Sinatra sings one of his popular hits, “Send in the Clowns”. Worth a peek for sure: Clowns

This is a funny one in a way, but it could just as easily have been a disaster for some bears. People intervention that went well. Click the link: bears

I have been to Rio, and was atop the Corcovado Mountain where the Christ the Redeemer statue is located. The statue was struck by lightning and endured some damage earlier this year. This is a video of folks doing some repairs to correct the damage. It is a magnificent structure. By way of interest, the day we were there, the mountain was socked in with fog, but as I gazed up to where the statue was hidden, the statue was totally revealed. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Check it out: Statue


It is difficult to understand these people who democratically take part in elections and a referendum, but are then incapable of democratically accepting the will of the people.

Jose Saramago


Jewish Humour
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her mum that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test kit The test confirms that her daughter is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the selfish bastard that did this to you?  I demand to know!"

Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later, a Bentley stops in front of their house.  A middle-aged and very distinguished man steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the lounge with the father and mother, and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem.  I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge.  I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

He continues, "Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a chateau in France and a £1m bank account."

He continues, "If a boy is born my legacy will be a chain of jewellery stores and a £25m bank account."

"However, if there is a miscarriage I’m not sure what to do.  What would you suggest?"

All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and told him, "You’ll try again."

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

Over the last few days I have been following our good mayor, who was berating people that own residential rental property, for “Gouging”. He claims that he also owns rental property and of course, he is not gouging. I owned a small part of some rental properties from 1980 until about 1997. The major part of the holding was the mortgage company of course.

During this time it was quite popular to condemn the landlords and cry out for rent controls. Rental property was certainly at a premium at the time, and the vacancy rate was very low. Some folks never will get supply and demand, the idea that if there is no money to be made in it, I will not build it. So there goes the rental properties!

Sure you can expense the taxes, utilities, insurance, interest costs and so on against your rental income, to to produce a net profit. Let me explain that in the low years, there might not be any net income, just a loss! During other years when no empty apartments were around, one made up some of what was lost previously.

Our good mayor, is a Liberal for sure, a “do-gooder” as well, and an academic, having been a professor at the University. For all of that he has little idea it seems of the economics of residential housing rentals.

Karin Klassen is a Calgary writer who writes a column in the Calgary Herald on a regular basis. She has a wonderful column in the Herald today, on rental housing and Mayor Nenshi’s ideas. If you ever thought that rent control was the answer to all the renters woes, take a look at Karin’s column. Klassen


The first page has to do with the use and dangers of use of E15 gas in your car. Unless you vehicle is engineered for E15, it can corrode fuel systems, settle out and cause engine failure since the octane rating is lower on E15 gas. Also you will not go as far on a gallon of this gas either, so even if it is a bit cheaper, you will not go as far on a tank. Most auto manufacturers will void your warranty. If you would like to pass this on to others feel free to do so.

Take a look: E15 Gas
I have always enjoyed magic shows, but when a young lady combines magic with a ballet dance, it is even more mystical. The video is not English, but it is a great show nonetheless! Check it out: Magic Dance


This is yet another magic kind of thing, all done by an older Japanese man. He will certainly keep you guessing as well as entertained! Check it out here: Old man magic


The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

Helen Hayes

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a
lightning-quick kick from a cow… right in his crotch Writhing in agony, he
fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor He said: "How bad
is it Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still
a Virgin — in every vay."
The doctor told him, "Olaf, I’ll have to put your willy in a splint to let
it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on
dere as long as you can."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and
taped it all together… quite an impressive work of art.
Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their
honeymoon to Duluth . That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse
to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olaf…you’re the
first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."
Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena … still

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

Tomorrow is the first day of the season for your free Alberta Health flu shots. It is now avail able in quantities for general distribution.

We are going in the morning to get our shots at our local Shoppers Drug Mart, where they along with many other drug stores have people trained on administering them. We have been getting them for years now, and we have never experienced anything more than a very mild sore shoulder muscle.

I believe in taking charge of my health care, and so I take advantage of the programs that will go a long way to advancing good health. Like the flu shot. I remember speaking with the MD or GP we had when we first came back to Calgary after a couple of years in Red Deer. He was a Saskatchewan raised doctor, and in my opinion was one of the best, and he kept us in good health for many years. He has been on a well earned retirement for about 10 years now. I remember him going into detail as to why we should take the time to get the flu shots. He did his entire patient list in a couple of evenings each year. He explained that it was extremely cost effective for the province to pay for the prevention up front and not have to pay for curing you when you came down with the flu. Made sense to me.

Getting the shot is easy and simple, taking little time if you go to the local store. Hey, while you are at it, check to see if you have also had the pneumonia shot, that could also save your life! There should be  sticker on your Alberta Health Card, if you have been done already.

One more thing, you might want to attend to while you have your Alberta Health Card out, is to sign the back of it for organ donor purposes! There is a great demand for this kind of thing, and precious little in the way of supply.

It is unfortunate that more people do not take advantage of this important health care program, but as it stands about 1/2 of the population neglects it. I know people that so completely do not understand it, that think they will get the flu if they take the shots! If you saw the movie Forrest Gump, you may remember him repeating what his mother said, “Stupid is as stupid does”. How so. In addition we have only a portion of the people that treat you when you do get hospitalized that get the immunization. Oh, and I forgot to mention that many of these people can be found behind the Rocky View Hospital having a cigarette. “Do as I say not as I do”.

For more information check out the web page from the AHS:FLU SHOTS


This is a simple video produced with the tongue firmly in the cheek. It is a bit rude. It starts very seriously, but quickly gets to the gassy part. It’s funny though, or I would not have included it. gas mileage


Once again, we have to approach how some comedians can go on for hours about all us old codgers, this guy is very good and I think you will enjoy. Take a look: Oldies


This is a Cirque De Solei kind of thing, a bit long, but so well done an choreographed it is amazing. Check it out: Amazing


The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.

Douglas MacArthur


I stopped by the GM Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado pickup.

Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a man wearing a "Trudeau for change" lapel pin sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.  The seats were of particular interest.  He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Conservative truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Conservative truck.

I explained that if it were a Trudeau truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your fanny year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership.  Damn guy had no sense of humour.

Have a Great Day and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

Sure you do. You know that there are some thing that you are set up to do and for some reason or other, they do not get done. Like for us to go out to Bragg Creek and Elbow Falls to look at the leaves that have turned on the poplars.

Well, today looked good a few days ago, we made up our mind to drive out, and we did even though it was a bit cloudy, and a mite cool. It was after all just above the freezing mark this morning and it was supposed to go to about 50 this afternoon, even though it was now going to be cloudy. Considering that we lost another 5 minutes of daylight, and that it is actually October 17, that is not to bad, I suppose.

Anyway, we went, stopped at Bragg Creek got a BMT from Subway, and went on out. I guess we waited too long, there was hardly a leaf left on any trees, let alone any chance of seeing a turned one! OK, so you snooze, you lose! No worries, we have seen them many times and the drive itself was very nice.

We were shocked to see some of the damage that the floods of 2013 did to the area. First of all, we stopped at Allen Bill pond, a lovely little pond that often had people trying their luck with a fishing rod. The flood cleared out the pond, left a lot of dead trees around, and the pond is gone! There is just some water flowing through what was once a beautiful little pond/lake. Below are some before and after pictures;

allen bill pond


allen bill 2


We continued along to Elbow Falls, and I no longer recognised it.

Some before and after pictures show the devastation caused by the water.


Just nature at work like it has been for thousands of years, but it is still sad.


Seldom thought that I would include a MacDonalds commercial into my blog, but this is one of the better ones. It was done in Brazil for the 2014 Soccer World Cup. MacDonalds


This one is just plain funny. The video is of a video photographer getting the people together for the wedding video. Be a teeny bit broad minded for this one: Wedding photos


Mr.  Speaker, from hurricanes and floods in Latin America to earthquakes in Asia, natural disasters are increasingly becoming a regular feature of life for large numbers of people around the globe.

Earl Blumenauer


I offer up some quotes by Phyllis Diller, a very funny lady.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford.  Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.  This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.  I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally poured gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.  My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle-keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

A Happy Thanksgiving Day to my Canadian followers from Calgary Alberta! For my American friends, maybe a Happy Columbus Days would be in order, if so, I hope you have a great one.

It doesn’t take much these days to witness the madness going on in so many of the Arab nations that support the lunatic fringe in the Muslim world, and to then realize just how well off we are, and have so much to be thankful for.

Either way, living as we do in North America, we have a lot to be thankful for not just on one day a year, but all year long. Sure we have our problems with crime, devastating weather, fires, health issues, and even poverty in some places.

But we are blessed in so many other ways, we are free for instance to live where we want, live the way we want, work for who we want and where. We are free to worship the God of our choice, marry who we like, travel from shore to shore safely whenever we would like. Our police are not our enemy, unless you do something illegal. Then maybe not so much.

We can criticize our government, without fear of disappearing forever. We can always vote the bum out of office, and we don’t resort to assassination of our leaders. We can dress as we se fit, we can get whatever education we want or can afford, and can use that education to amass wealth, or to do good through volunteering or charity.

We have good plentiful food, and in our area, we seldom have extreme weather to contend with. Yep, there was that pesky flood in 2013, no wild fires though, no hurricanes, a few small tornadoes out in  the country, some damaging hail storms to repair.

We have a good education system, our Health Care system needs a lot of work due to neglect in buildings, old age care, and the rationing of health services by the government or the health boards. Other than that we just get cold weather in Southern Alberta.

So, if you look around at what your area has to offer, I’m sure that you too would agree that we have a world of things to be thankful for.

Tonight our daughter is coming over for dinner, our Turkey Day! Big old turkey in the oven, some sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, some wine to wash it all down with, and some apple and raisin pie to finish up. Just gotta be great!

The first page is actually a Thanksgiving card from a friend and it was so well done, I felt it should see more visitors. Take a look: Thanksgiving

This web page has to do with Christ the Redeemer in Rio in Brazil. I was there at the base of this statue a few years ago, and it was all fogged in, and as I looked up, the fog parted revealing the statue. A moving experience for me to be sure. Check out the statue in this video: Christ the Redeemer


Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

Oprah Winfrey


Ever notice how a 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adult voices?  Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning.

As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm.  I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was O.K.  to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time.

Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running, shouting, "Hi, Dad!  I’ve got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What’s the good news?"

Alex shouted, "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald’s.  May I take your order?"


A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I’m Mr.  Sugarbrown’s daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I’m Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren’t you Mr.  Sugarbrown’s daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but Mother says I’m not."


A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

————————————————————— A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." 

Have a Great Thanksgiving (Columbus) Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

On September 9, 2014, Calgary lost due to snow damage something like 1/2 of its trees. The city figures that about 1 million trees were damaged or destroyed during the late snowfall. I blogged about the damage to our own community’s trees, on September 9 with pictures of the snow and our downed trees. Over the last couple of days we have had a crew in to remove the trees that are too far gone to salvage, and prune out the damaged limbs, generally cleaning out all the stuff we lost. It came to 32 trees in total to be removed.

It was the green ash trees that took the biggest beating, in the large trees, and the hawthorns also suffered from broken branches. It was the big ones we had taken out. While there was little or no damage to our spruce trees, since they load down and spring back up again, we had 3 of those taken out. There was nothing wrong with them, but they had grown width wise over the years, and those cute little spruce trees we not so cute anymore in a 6-10 foot space. The trees had grown to 25 feet across and were destined for bigger things! Thirty-five feet is average spread for a full grown spruce. One of them was behind out place, and one was behind our neighbours.

I like trees, and hated the idea of taking them out, and even feel bad about it now, but it had to be. I tried years ago to get somebody to listen when we could have moved them somewhere else. Never happened. But like a beautiful rose growing in a wheat field, the trees were like a weed.

With all the work being done around the property, it has stirred up the bird population. The birds in the community have been very active. We even had a Blue Jay poking around in the one spruce that is left in our back yard. It has been a long time since one of those has shown up, even though they are common and live in our climate year round.

National Geographic has a story with some pictures of the scene in Turkey where refugees are showing up in volume trying to escape the horror behind them in the form of ISIS. Very scary stuff. Take a look: Turkey

In Arizona there is the last ICBM silo. It has been turned into a hands on museum site. National Geographic got a great video of the site. I had never seen one of these, so I thought it was really worth a look: ICBM site

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything… or nothing.

Nancy Astor

Today’s Lesson On Irony (Canadian Style)

These three statements tell you a lot about our government and our culture:

1.  We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.  Funny how that works.

And another for consideration–
2.  We constantly hear about how CPP ( Canada Pension Plan) is going to run out of money..  How come we never hear about welfare running out of money?  What’s interesting is the first group "worked for" their money, but the second didn’t.

Finally …

3.  Provincial Social Services (welfare payments) is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free money ever .  Meanwhile, the Parks Branch, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." The stated reason for this policy is because "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."

That ends Today’s Lesson On Irony
Another Canadian story;
Little Johnny meets Justin Trudeau and strikes again

Justin Trudeau was visiting a primary school in Lanark and visited a grade four class.  They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr.  Trudeau if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious Party Leader asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Trudeau, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I’m afraid not," explained Trudeau.  "That’s what we would call great loss."
The room went silent.  No other child volunteered.  Trudeau searched the room.
"Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand.  The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs.  Trudeau was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trudeau, "That’s right.  And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss…  and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!"
The teacher left the room..

Have a Great Day, and be nice to one another.

Ross Smile

Over the past week or so, I have been killing mice. It’s true. It all started when I found some sunflower seeds and the shells scattered on a shelf in my garage. That seemed odd since while I have a couple of bird feeders around, the seed is stored in a 5 gallon pail, and a very thick poly bag. It was the bag that got the hit.

The little critters had eaten a hole in the bag, dragged out a few seeds and scattered the remains around.

I set out some old traps I had, that had been out in the weather when I was capturing mice and voles in my front and side yard. They were a bit rusted up, but they looked good enough to do the job done. So, armed as I was with peanut butter, I set up three traps, plus some poisoned canary seed in the garage. The poison is warfarin which if eaten by the mice will cause them to go away and die from internal haemorrhage. Well, they ate all the poisoned canary seed, and left the traps. All is well, or so I thought.

The next day, I had caught 2 mice, nothing in the third trap. The poisoned canary seed was all gone, so I set out to the local stores, Rona and Canadian Tire. They all had more fancy traps and such, even a sonic rig to scare the little beasties away. I don’t want to scare them I want them dead! They do not work anyway, but are very good at emptying your wallet of $20.00! So, I bought some poisoned bait, put it out, in a tray so I could see if it had been disturbed, and a couple of packs of new mouse traps. The new bait was $9.00, and it was not touched, ignored completely. It sits all by itself in  the garage awaiting a curious and hungry mouse. Just like it was when I put it out. Maybe I was supposed to throw the stuff at the mice, and kill them by hitting them.

The traps worked quite well, and over the next few days, I got a grand total of 7 of the pesky critters. I have not had anything in the traps for a couple of days now, the bait remains untouched, and I am hoping that the episode is over. My wife has this thing about mice in  the house and the garage is attached to said house with a very convenient door between them. Should one of them manage to enter our home, the invader would assume the proportions of an animal that would resemble a kangaroo, not an adult maybe, but certainly a teen ager in size. It seems now that we haven’t seen any more mice, and haven’t seen them before in our fifteen years in our complex, we can conclude the exercise, but we will leave the traps out and check them periodically. Man 7, mice 0.

While I am on the subject of animals, I was very happy to see that our deer population has grown from last year! I have seen no deer at all since last winter/spring, but yesterday morning, I looked out to the school across the road, and there was a whole family. Mom, Dad and the kids! 7 of them for sure, and since it was 5:45 am, and still dark, it kind of looked like 2 more walking with another beside them, but due to the darkness, it was hard to tell.

It will not be long before we see them in our front yard eating away at the seed in my birdfeeders, kind of having a party.

Speaking of parties, our Social Committee in our complex put together our annual Thanksgiving dinner. Depending on the timing, it is sometimes referred to as the Harvest dinner or Oktoberfest.

Tickets were sold and I heard that some sixty eight tickets were sold, and I heard rumours that that number was actually higher. Regardless of the number it must be described as a success. In the afternoon a group from  the complex got together and set up the tables. The committee deemed that no participants were to arrive until all was set up, the doors would remain closed until Happy Hour at 5:30, so that the caterer could set up. It seemed to work out OK.

Happy hour started on time, and we got the table we wanted, a table for10, and it was soon filled with our neighbours, and friends. Dinner was served up, and the food from the catering company was excellent, by all accounts. Lots of food, which focused on the Oktoberfest side, with wiener schnitzel, potatoes, vegetables, buns, salads and more. Dessert and coffee followed.

As is often  the case the committee engaged entertainment for the evening. mice Their choice was an old friend of ours Jana and Danny, who have entertained us many times in the past. Tonight was no exception, they entertained us regally. They just seem to get better with age. Jana & Danny stay quite busy in the Calgary entertainment scene performing for some ethnic groups like the German Canadian Club, or for the Legion to name but 2. They performed for a number of years on cruise lines and honed their craft to a fine edge.

We were pretty much the last to leave, at the end of the evening, and I think I speak for the group, a good time was had by all! I know the folks at our table did.

I wrote recently that I have gotten hearing aids and that I am very pleased with them. The I started buying batteries for them! The best price I found in the Calgary area was sixteen batteries for $17.00. and most places were a few bucks more. That is just over $1.06 each. I have since found that I can get them from a company in Ontario Canada for a much better price. $19.50 for 10 packs of 4 batteries or 40 batteries. On top of that is a flat shipping of $3.00! So for about 5 minutes on line I saved about $20,00, That is about $240.00 an hour, not bad pay I think. Check out Listen up Canada: Listenup


Maybe you are a youngster, and are healthy as a horse, but maybe not. If you have pills to take, exercise to do, docs to visit and so on, need to track symptoms, check out this app for Android. It is called uPatient. Check it out: uPatient


Another one you may find useful for your android tablet, or if you like you can also have it on your desktop or laptop. This one is called WebMD, it’s a good one. Check it out: webmd


It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.

Walt Disney


How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said …in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.  The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr.  Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Have a Great Day, and be nice to everyone.

Ross Smile


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